The Lesson will be Repeated Until it is Learned

It's been an interesting week. Seems that I'm again finding myself working for a person who likes to abuse their employees.  Really.  We had our annual Christmas part last Thursday, and she found it necessary to publicly call out a co-worker for something.  She did so loudly, she was mean, and she did it with three of us sitting there at the table. She did it in the middle of the office Christmas Party.

Now, I understand why a bully would do something like that.  My question, which my son so aptly asked me, is:  why do I keep running into these people?  I walked off of my last job because the owner of that company was the same way.

There is a saying:  The lesson will be repeated until it is learned.

I'm trying to figure out what I am supposed to be learning.

Having Had a Spiritual Awakening...

The meeting this week was on the twelfth step:  "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

What strikes me about this step is this part:

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps...

To me, the spiritual awakening comes when I have the ability to see things through God's eyes, not my own. I began to pray this prayer with my son and daughter in law.  This gives me the ability to not take sides in their struggle to survive this thing we call life.  I am acutely aware that I have an unhealthy impulse to rush in, give advice, fix and make everything better for my son.  When he's at odds with his wife, it's all too easy for me to take his side.  Being able to set aside those impulses and see the two of them as individuals with all of their respective issues, fears, wants and needs has literally saved my relationships with each of them.  I sincerely believe that if I had said even a fraction of the things that have run through my mind up to now, I would have destroyed my relationship with them.

Instead, I keep my mouth shut and listen. When I do speak, my Higher Power gives me the insight to see what's really going on below the surface and speak to that.  Amazing things happen when I'm open.

Just for today, I pray to see things through Gods eyes.

Al Anon's Do's and Don'ts...

...because I need rules:

DO:
•Do forgive
•Do be humble
•Do take it easy — tension is harmful
•Do play — find recreation and hobbies
•Do keep on trying whenever you fail
•Do learn the facts about alcoholism
•Do attend Al-Anon meetings often
•Do pray

DON'T:
•Don't be self-righteous
•Don't try to dominate, nag, scold and complain
•Don't lose your temper
•Don't try to push anyone but yourself
•Don't keep bringing up the past
•Don't keep checking up on the alcoholic
•Don't wallow in self-pity
•Don't make threats you don't intend to carry out
•Don't be over-protective
•Don't be a doormat

Just for Today, I will be Unafraid

My meeting was really good last night.  It was on acceptance.  I needed to hear what was being said.

After the meeting, I stayed and talked to a good friend.  I needed that also.  We talked about detachment.  It occurred to me later that acceptance and detachment are two sides of the same coin.  If I'm in acceptance of a situation, wouldn't it be easier to detach?

Most often, when I can't detach or let go of a situation, it's because I'm in fear. We talked about that also.  I pray, I turn it over, and then I get a flash in my mind - like a picture or an image - of my worst case scenario on a situation.  Then, I'm right back in fear again. These flashes happen most often at night, when I wake up for no apparent reason (or even from an apparent reason) at 3 am.  And I have no power to stop them; this is how the disease works on me.  I have no perspective in the middle of the night.  What I do have is a God that I know is with me even when I don't feel it. That's what gets me through those nights.

So, today was a good day.  A good day is one where I'm not stuck in my head all day.  I am in the present and living the life I've been given.  I'm not living in regret for something past; I'm not living in fear of what may or may not happen in the future. It was a good day.

Just for today, I will be unafraid.  Especially, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.